Activating Union Members En-masse, 2013-Style
In today’s celebrity-driven-News cycle, where Tweets, twits and stunts can make anyone famous for 15-seconds. Where Justin Bieber’s chrome sports car stops freeway traffic, and Kardashian-anything defines cash, dash and PR spin, getting iron-clad union members to attend a PR-event (stunt) orchestrated by Edison, in support of its failed, shuttered nuke plant SONGS / San Onofre Nuclear Generating Station, takes some doing.
But it can be done. Here’s how: 1st) offer a “Tented” gourmet, bluff-side luncheon overlooking the blue Pacific, as six air conditioned buses idle, offering rock-star transport to & from said event. 2nd) give gift-bags containing stylish outer wear, nifty hats, reading material, cosmetic items / sunblock etc, and… $100 Costco Gift Cards! 3rd) do it on a workday. So, whatever your union-labor job is, on that Big Wednesday, you’ll be excused to Party! With pay. With your union brethren. Call it: Sick-day with Bennies. What hoops will the “cooperative” union member jump through to gain Food, Fashion and a Gift Goodies? Day Away with Pay? No worries. It’s easy.
Just hop on the bus, Russ, don’t make a fuss. And when you get to where you’re going, sit pretty, Pete, alongside your brightly costumed union mates, and 600 anti nuke plant citizens (oh them), who want SONGS’s broken down-nuker switched off for good (for all mankind, for all womankind, for all kid-kind, and pets, and well, everything on earth).
Then, with a nod of his head (during the boring proceedings you could care less about), union chorus director Dave will give the high sign – and you jump to your feet and yell – YEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Why yell? Does it really matter? No. Then exit immediately. Get back on the bus, Bob. That boring meeting (whatever it was about) will drone on without you.
You paid your dues, Stu. You’re through, Lou. When you get home, Norm, leave the gifts in the trunk. But do give the $100 Costco gift card to your wife. Tell her you got it for duties above and beyond. You’ll be her Star for a Day, Dan.
For darn sure don’t mention that cancerous creaky ol’nuke plant you were so handsomely paid to cheer for. Because talk of radioactivity at home, in the workplace, or at your kid’s school, ruins an otherwise perfect day, no matter what.